Whether you are a woman, or a man, you have an inner masculine energy and it’s role is to put structure, create firm boundaries, protect your sacred space, and create the conditions of safety for your inner feminine to flourish.

For many of us, the inner masculine is wounded and is incapable of doing his job right. He hasn’t created the right structure, hasn’t set the standards and expectations, hasn’t established the right boundaries, and therefore, he is always in disaster recovery mode. He intervenes when it’s too late and too overwhelming… and so he burns out too fast. He knows that, and so in order to protect the inner feminine, he keeps her hidden, he suppresses her, he dominates her.

This is a very common situation for women these days, too. Her masculine energy is dominant. Her feminine energy is yearning to be let out, but her masculine won’t allow it. She finds herself stuck in the mothering role, the therapist role, the teacher role, the giver role. In relationships, she feels abused.

What is happening here is that even though she is predominantly in masculine energy, her masculine is not adequate at creating the conditions for her feminine energy to flourish. She does not feel safe, she does not feel provided for, she is not free to put her guard down, she isn’t free to be her self.

Before we can heal our relationships with others, we must first heal the balance and relationship between our inner masculine and feminine energies. And it starts with healing the masculine energy because he is the one who will create the conditions for the feminine to safely come out of hiding in order to be healed as well.

What does this look like?

In today’s Embodied SRT class we practiced saying No:
The inner masculine need to be empowered to say no, – a loving no, a firm no, a no to others and also a no to our own destructive patterns and behaviors. We said no to people who abuse us and also no to our inner child who is familiar with and attached to this abuse.

We also practiced creating a structured sacred space:
The inner masculine is also the security guard or gate keeper. He has rules in place for what we allow into our sacred space close to our heart and what we don’t allow. It does not to be black and white. He can say “Yes, you are welcome into this sacred space, but you must leave your shoes at the door”. Or “yes, you are welcome at the dinner table, but phones are not allowed”. And in relationships he can say “Yes, your love, care, affection, kindness, playfulness is welcome, but your inconsistency, flakiness, hot and cold behaviour, manipulation, disrespect, etc is not.” We also practiced expanding the capacity of this sacred space and also decreasing it. You can expand the space to give someone access to more of your time, energy, love or you can make the sacred space smaller so they have less access to you. This is YOUR space. You make the rules and you can change the rules.

We also explored the balance between giving and receiving:
Giving is masculine energy. Receiving is feminine energy. This is not about gender. A woman can operate in masculine energy and a man can operate in feminine energy. In a healthy relationship, there is a polarity between the partners’ energies. If one is predominately feminine, that allows for the other to play the masculine role and vice versa.

So which role are you playing and how often are you playing it?

If you are a woman who is constantly giving, doing, providing, leading, nurturing, holding space, investing etc then you are in the masculine energy and you are pushing your partner into a more feminine role.

– Your partner might be comfortable with that and rest into his feminine energy, but how would that feel to your inner feminine? Without a balance, your inner feminine will feel abandoned and neglected as your inner masculine is giving outwards and your inner feminine is receiving nothing in return.

– Your partner might allow this dynamic but in many cases not be fulfilled with it. This is because in most societies we have been programmed and conditioned for the male figure to take on the masculine energy role, – to be the protector, provider, pursuer, – and when he cannot or does not have the chance to do so, he feels out of balance and his needs are unmet.

When this happens, two things may happen:

1. He finds a way to get those needs met somehow outside of the relationship (for example someone else in more feminine energy becomes dependent on him).

2. He competes with and tries to overpower and dominate your inner masculine which may show up in him criticising you, being more aggressive with you, demanding much more from you that you cannot satisfy (so you fail) and other toxic manifestations.

For these reasons, it’s very important to have a balance between giving and receiving in order to have a balance in the relationship.

How to stop giving when you are over giving?

Start by giving less. Then pull back and shift your weight and energy back towards you. Give even less. Then stop giving. Shift your weight and energy back even more, creating space for your partner to give to you. Be in the right position to receive. Stay here and practice receiving for some time. Remember, by positioning yourself to receive, you are allowing your partner to be the giver… and that may be something he has been yearning for too.

Does that mean you can never give again?

Of course not. This is a practice in balance, a flowing movement between giving and receiving, like a dance. To maintain the sexual polarity in a traditional relationship, it is recommended for one partner to stay 70% in feminine/receiving mode and 30% in masculine/giving mode while the other partner stays 70% in masculine/giving mode and 30% feminine/receiving mode.

Finally, some programs we cleared in today’s class were:

Reliving their traumas
Play with my feelings
Repeating patterns
Following his mistakes

Homework for this week is to practice the following embodied states to help develop the inner masculine and practice a healthy balance:
– No
– Sacred Space
– Giving
– Receiving
As always if you have any questions, feel free to connect with me privately.
If you would like to join me next week (or access the recordings), you can sign up at https://bit.ly/monthly-mastery