When Kyle* came to me he was struggling with depression, social anxiety, performance anxiety, anger issues, and insomnia.
For years, he had been taking antidepressants, yet the issues persisted. They were affecting his relationships with his wife and son, and also affecting his performance at work.
Kyle worked as a client facing graphic designer and frequently had to “mask” his authentic self in order to engage with the clients and his peers. Clients would always find just one more small thing that needed tweaking, and Kyle* would take this criticism to heart each time. When they would request a slight change, he would hear “you are not good enough”. His peers were used to client feedback, but for Kyle* he would feel the pains of rejection each time. For many years, he trained himself to just respond with a very short “Okay, I’ll see what I can do,” and quickly exit the meeting. But in recent times however, he would start to feel his arms filling with adrenaline and his face turning red with anger. He wanted to pound the desk and scream in rage, but he did not. His colleagues started to notice his body language, and brought it to his attention. They cooly would say “why are you overreacting?” and Kyle* felt more and more isolated. No one understood him.
For a while longer, Kyle* attempted to control his facial expressions and his body language, until one day at the end of a client meeting, Kyle* felt his eyes fill up with tears and he quickly exited the meeting to a nearby storage room where he broke down. His shoulder, arm, and neck muscles filled with paralysing tension. His legs felt shaky and weak. He began hyperventilating as he tried to silence his sobs so that no one in the hall could hear him. Kyle* has been avoiding such an emotional breakdown for years now. For him, the only thing worse than his rage, were his tears. A few minutes later, Kyle* walked out of the storage room, straight out of the building and walked for hours in the middle of a nearby park. He did not want to go home to his wife and son looking like this. How could he face them, if he could not even face himself?
Kyle* contacted me weeks after this incident. He hadn’t returned to work. He could not face any of this colleagues for fear that they caught the tears in his eyes during that last meeting. He hadn’t fully opened up to his wife since then either. He only told her that he got into an argument with one of the guys and he feels that the work culture is toxic and he is taking a break to find another job. He couldn’t bear to tell her about his breakdown in tears or else he feared she wouldn’t respect him. She wouldn’t understand. Can he even be trusted to be a masculine role model for his son? Kyle’s* fears and anxiety were taking over and all he could think of is that maybe his wife and son are better off without him.
Kyle’s* session with me was eye opening and liberating. Under hypnosis, he went back to 3 scenes from his early childhood.
In the first scene, Kyle* at 11 years old, had just come home with his report card. He had all A’s in all subjects. His teacher was very proud of him and he couldn’t wait to go home and show his mother. But when he went home, his father was home early from work and took a look at the report card himself. His father looked at him disapprovingly, and put the report card down, and turned his face back to something else he was reading. There was no further interaction with his father, but Kyle* felt small. He took the report card and went straight to his room without bothering to show the report card to his mother. Whats the point? He knew he was never good enough no matter what. He laid on his bed, in the dark, in silence, tears streaming down his face. He heard motion in the hall so he quickly covered his head with the covers and pretended to be asleep so that no one would see his tears. He did not want to be humiliated again.
In the second scene, 7 year old Kyle* was at school in the playground with some of the boys from his class. Kyle was big and tall, so he wasn’t usually picked on by the other kids. In this scene, the big boys were teasing one of the smaller boys. They stole away his lunch box and were kicking it over to each other. Kyle stood watching, he did not join in with the big boys, but still he felt he could not do anything to help the small boy. He continued to watch the small boy until Kyle* began crying himself. The big boys turned to Kyle*, and laughed and pointed, “Kyle* caught cooties” referring to him “crying like a girl”. Kyle* felt like there was something wrong with him, that he did not belong, that people are so cruel, and that there is nothing he can do about it. He was helpless against his nature and helpless against the world.
In the final scene, Kyle* regressed to when he was just 3 years old. He was with his mother at a large department store and Kyle* was throwing a tantrum. He was laying on the ground screaming and kicking his legs. I asked Kyle* what was wrong, yet he did not immediately know. He felt his head throbbing. He felt his body pulsing. He felt tired. After more investigation Kyle* realised that he was scared. The store was too big, the lights were too bright, there were too many strangers all talking at the same time, and his shoes were hurting his feet. He felt overwhelmed and he just wanted to shut down completely. He cried and screamed, but even his mother could not understand him and was getting angry at him for making such a scene in the middle of the store. Kyle* felt that he was an inconvenience, that he was out of control, and that there was something wrong with him and the world, and that he was helpless against both.
Through hypnosis, Kyle* was able to see the beliefs he had formed about himself and the world he lived in and how they were affecting his relationships and performance. He believed that love was earned, that he could never be good enough no matter how hard he works and excels, that the world was a scary and overwhelming place, and that he was weak, feminine, and out of control. Kyle felt deeply rejected for who he was as a person. Kyle* also heard from the first time during this session about the possibility that he was a Highly Sensitive Person. He began to see how all his life, he has been noticing and processing subtleties and interpreting them in ways that reinforced his negative self beliefs. He also realised that he has been exposing himself to environments that were overstimulating for him without planning in enough downtime to recharge on a regular basis. Kyle* also saw how a lot of his own emotions were not even his own, but rather the emotions of others around him that he has been absorbing with his super empathic abilities. Finally, Kyle* learned that his belief that he was helpless and out of control of his own emotions, was both limiting and inaccurate. As long as he believed he could not tune up or down his senses, could not deflect other people’s emotions and energy, could not manage his own emotional triggers, Kyle* would be continuing in his cycle swinging between avoidance and overwhelm.
Once present Kyle* became aware of how his subconscious beliefs hadn’t been serving him all these years, he was now ready to go back as an adult to each of those scenes and communicate with and comfort his 11year old, 7 year old, and 3 year old self and remove the meanings they had assigned to each of those situations and upgrade his beliefs about his nature, his capabilities, and the world he lives in. He was absolutely and inherently good enough, he was a normal and natural boy and man, that there is nothing shameful of expressing his emotions in diverse ways including crying, he is capable of regulating his own emotions, and he is in control of himself and how much he exposes himself to certain stimuli and how stimuli affects him.
When Kyle* opened his eyes after the session was complete, he felt relieved. He can now reframe his entire experience after his breakthrough discovery of his nature as a Highly Sensitive Person, and he could see clearly how he can potentially make adjustments to his lifestyle that would best serve him. Kyle* couldn’t wait to go to his wife and son. He suddenly felt a connection to his son that he hadn’t expected. It turns out that all this time, Kyle* was subconsciously trying to emotionally distance himself from his son to protect his son from becoming like him, but now he is able to see how he can model to his son how to be a good man, a good human.
It has been over three months since the session. I followed up with Kyle* and he has returned back to his job with a completely new attitude. Not only can he handle constructive feedback, but his creativity has greatly increased. He is confident in his work and when he receives a request to make a change, he brushes it off as just a difference in taste, not reflective of his capabilities or worth. He has also been more sociable, acting more himself around the other men at work, not afraid of his authentic self being found out. Kyle* has also made some changes to his workspace. His workstation now faces towards a less lit area of the office and he changed his screensaver to a photo of dolphins swimming under the surface of the water. Kyle* also changed his route home from work, now walking a longer distance, but through a quiet path in the park full of trees where he can begin to unwind before he even reaches his home. Each night, Kyle* falls asleep listening to a relaxing self hypnosis recording that I have given him. Before the recording is complete, Kyle* finds himself in deep sleep all through the night.
If you can relate to Kyle*, perhaps you are a Highly Sensitive Person, too. I hope this case study inspires you to embrace your nature and take control of your life. Rapid Transformational Therapy can help make that happen.
